Well, I feel better today. I listened to a sermon about Joy and finding the joy in Jesus. I learned a very important lesson: I have a human condition. I will never be able to be the person that I am supposed to be. This is why Christ died for me, because I can't do what I am supposed to do. I have been very discouraged lately about my unwillingness to stop sinning. I just realized that this is just my nature. I am an imperfect person which is why I need Jesus. I am saved, I have been saved since April 15, 2011. I have only been a bad person in trying to be a disciple of Jesus, but I'm trying and that is what matters. I know that I will fail over and over in trying to be a perfect disciple of Jesus but that's okay because Jesus lifts me up and carrys me in which I can not.
The past few days I have been struggling with myself. I have been tempted to just give up God and just do what I want because I will never be able to be the person I am supposed to be. I keep thinking to myself no I need to just stay in the word even though I am having a struggle with spirituality right now leaving the word is not going to fix it. Sure I have a lot of questions that just creep up about God, but its okay to ask them. I think that this is good for me because I am starting to move forward with myself and in getting to know God.
I have been a "baby" Christian for two years now. I have been stuck and I haven't moved forward. I accepted Christ into my heart but I haven't let the small tree inside of me grow and fully develop. So I leave tonight with a goal for myself to stay in the word from now on. I often will pick up the bible every few months and read it for a week or so and then just put it down. I need God 24/7 not just when I'm struggling.
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